One of the things I always teach is, "When you don't know what to say, buy yourself time. When you don't know what to do, do nothing."

Sometimes, that's easier said than done.

After Mark's transition, the prevailing wisdom was, "Don't make major decisions for at least a year." In retrospect, that was excellent advice. My initial instinct? Quickly sell the house and move to a downtown Sarasota apartment. Within days of his death, I put in applications and searched for a new place.

My urgency? A desperate attempt to feel better, soon.

Then my neighbors swooped in. One cut my grass. Another tended to the pool. Food showed up at the door. Hugs and kindness washed over me. How glad I was that I didn't make a knee jerk decision to uproot myself from such potent love.

In this case, the passage of time brought clarity as well as reinforcements! Miraculously, friends who I hadn't seen in many years upended their lives to stay with me. In the warmth of their loving presence, clarity came.  Yes, I should move.

Not just providing listening ears, they dug in and readied my house for the market!  (Talk about friendship!)

Interesting note: Had I not waited for the clarity of time, my home would not have practically doubled in value. I sold at precisely the perfect time; another display of the grace of God and the beauty of alignment with Divine timing.

Actually, that's a great definition of clarity.

Whether you attribute it to God, or the Universe, or simply being at peace - alignment with your inner being is true clarity.

And true clarity is necessary to move forward with joy; with faith; with almost supernatural energy.

My most recent post outlined the numerous changes that have taken place since I made the decision to move. I marvel to read them all!

However, the clarity that brought me out here and started Vici Communications LLC; the path that led me to a perfect La Jolla apartment and attracted a host of wonderful new friends, even inspiring a new, healthier lifestyle could only take me so far.

I found myself overwhelmed by the myriad of opportunities to grow my business and reduced by a measuring stick of my own making that scolded, "You should have accomplished more by now."

In the incessant swiping culture of online dating, I found my psyche disheartened.

Yes, so much had been accomplished! But was I happy?

I grappled with this question because too many nights I still found myself in tears. I give myself a pass on tears because I know they're important and, I'm still grieving.

But I knew there was something more.  I just couldn't get clear about it.

Then at 8:09 PM on Tuesday night, September 26th, on the way home from dinner with friends, my life changed once again in an instant.

With no time to react or avoid it, a car driving at full speed crossed the median, coming straight for me.

As I braced for the crash, I said to myself, "I guess this is how I die..."

After impact, I marveled that I was, indeed, alive. I can still smell the acidic powder of the airbags that saved my life. I recall saying, "Help me...help me..." unsure if the car would explode into flames at any moment. An angel of a man helped me out of the totaled vehicle and did not let go of my hands until the EMTs arrived. He reminded me to breathe and locked eyes until I was transported by ambulance to the emergency room.

Numbly, I answered questions. Unbeknownst to me, my Apple iPhone sent my emergency contacts a crash alert. My poor sister frantically tried to reach me; I was too shaken to speak, other than to say I was alive.

And so I am.  Miraculously alive.

Aside from deeply purple bruises, aching and a skittish mental state, I consider myself fortunate.

The coming weeks and months will involve therapy - both physical and mental.  I'm not making light of this latest trauma and will devote myself to becoming whole.

But, I've gotta say - boy, do I have clarity.

This close encounter with death crashed more than my car.  It smashed the exhausting treadmill of upward mobility I had created. It demolished the dangling carrot of a hoped for happily ever after.  This accident destroyed the last vestiges of bullshit that I'd built over the course of a lifetime.

Renewed clarity about what truly matters in life is the gift I now savor.

Love.

Giving love. Receiving love.

That's pretty much the extent of my "to do" list now.

I consider every day after September 26th bonus time. And I'm not going to waste it by worrying one more minute about what I think I need to be or do.

As the Carole King song says so well, Only Love is Real.

Everything else? Illusion.

Breathe deeply this beautiful, extravagant display of love called LIFE.

While we have breath, let us love and be loved.

Nothing else matters, my friends.

And if you have taken the time to read this, thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you for letting me share my life with you.

May you be inspired to love more and more and more.  To love yourself. To love others.

And to be clear about what is truly important...and discard the rest like a garment that no longer fits.

PS: Heartfelt thanks to my sister and brother-in-law, Shirlee and Tony DiBacco and my cousin and her husband, Debbie and Craig Stevenson, for being the best emergency contacts I could have.  I am also deeply moved by the expressions of love and kindness from friends and family members both near and far who have helped me withstand the initial impacts of the crash and who are walking with me back to wholeness.