Look at Me! I Got a Tree!

Blog Post

You might think, "Of course, Brenda. Most people celebrating Christmas get a tree!"

And you would be correct.

But for me, there was no tree in 2021. Or 2022.

Now 2020? THAT was a completely different story. Santa himself would have loved the three fully decorated trees that adorned the house Mark and I shared. He would strategically position Rudolph, Clarisse, The Abominable Snowman, Hermie ("I want to be a dentist"), and Yukon Cornelius in our living room. He'd graciously suffer through endless Hallmark Channel Christmas movies, and our kitchen smelled like butter and cinnamon for at least a month.

When he transitioned...

His absence was a Grinch that stole any idea of Christmas, let alone a tree.

I sold the house and everything in it. Three trees and a lifetime of ornaments along with Rudolph's entire brigade. Gone. Just like Mark.

In 2021 I traveled and visited my cousin and her family for the holiday. I fell in love with San Diego (and her family) and the seed of a dream to live there one day was born.

In 2022, the dream was realized. I moved into my new little apartment on December 17th and promptly got COVID, spending the Christmas and New Year holidays in bed.

And this "dream" has been fraught with a few nightmares; most recently a car accident and some nodes rendered "suspicious" but, thankfully, benign.

The rush of relief was followed by a renewed appreciation to be alive.

And, out of nowhere...a desire to have a Christmas tree.

In the history of me, this is significant.

When my dad died in 1974, I was 10 years old and we didn't celebrate Christmas that year. No tree.

I actually think we missed the next year, too. What was Christmas without Daddy?

Then TONY (he deserves all caps) started dating my sister. Just like Santa, he brought Christmas back to our home. A huge live tree decorated with little Italian nougat boxes combined with the theatrics of shaking boxes to guess what they contained. The joy was BACK.

A tree symbolizes joy. Joy in living; joy in loving; joy in simply being. It's hopeful!

Some might look pityingly at my little postage stamp of an apartment. There's not an ornament to be found on my tree. I had to (for the first time ever) assemble the parts by myself and white specks of flocking covered my floor. Still, when the lights clicked together, they worked!

You might have thought I won the lottery. I talked to myself (which is not uncommon when you live alone), "Brenda! You DID it! You GO, girl!"

So look at me! I have a tree!

Friends have teased me that it's a bit SOON to have the tree up.