Helen Keller said, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.”
I believe that’s true. And I believe we get to choose.
When I’ve found myself in seasons of depression, anxiety, hopelessness, or darkness, it’s often because I’m standing on the edge of change and I’m terrified to jump. I’m feeling the pull toward something new, while desperately trying to cling to what is safe, familiar, and known.
We all know the famous Tony Robbins quote: “Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”
You know that feeling. Something feels off. You can’t quite explain it, but you don’t feel right in your own skin anymore.
You’re trying to force a square peg into a round hole.
You betray your authentic self to fit into what you think other people want from you, or what you think a “good person” should be satisfied with.
But being a good person shouldn’t require abandoning yourself.
The very desires, dreams, longings, and nudges inside of you were planted there for a reason. I believe they were divinely implanted.
At any point, you can ignore them. You can relinquish them or talk yourself out of them. But if you do, something important inside of you begins to die.
Portals offering change open and invite us into something more. Something bigger. Something more aligned. If we are brave enough to walk through, we rise to another level of living.
But these openings are often temporary.
Ignore the nudge long enough? The opportunity can pass.
We stay where we are. Not because life there is necessarily bad, but because fear convinced us not to move. We remain at our pre-existing setpoint with familiar patterns, comforts, and limitations.
Sometimes that’s what happens in relationships, too. One person is ready to grow or take a leap. The other is not. One person sees the door open and feels called to walk through it. The other cannot. And sometimes what feels like a sudden ending is really just one person stepping through a door the other wasn’t willing to enter.
I remember the internal tension I felt when considering moving from Florida to San Diego. On paper, it made no sense. I had a steady, well-paying job, a beautiful home with a pool, security, stability—all the trappings of what looked like a good life.
But something in me knew.
It wasn’t that I dropped everything overnight. I permitted myself to explore and spent a month living in San Diego to see if it truly aligned. To see if it felt like me. Within the first week, I knew in my bones. San Diego was calling me. It was an irresistible must.
What I didn’t know was that making that decision would cost me that well-paying job!
There is almost always a cost when you leap. Something must often be released to make room for something better.
You have to let go of what is in your hands so you can embrace what is waiting for you.
More importantly, I also knew if I didn’t make that move, I would be haunted for the rest of my life by the question, “What if I had been brave enough?”
When not doing the thing feels more painful than the fear of trying, that is the irresistible must.
I recently made another major life change that absolutely gutted me because, on the surface, it looked good and right. It checked a lot of boxes. It made sense on paper. But the more I thought about my future, the less excited I became.
And that was the tell.
I became more anxious. More upset. Even physically ill. My body was trying to tell me what my mind did not want to admit.
This war inside of me could only end with brutal honesty.
Forks in the road are presented throughout our lives, and free will means we get to choose our path.
Sometimes, gloriously, the easy road is the right road. But often, the more fulfilling road is the one that demands courage and forces us out of our comfort zone.
It stretches us into becoming more of who we truly are.
When reflecting on my life, these divine portals of windows and doors are yellow highlights in my memory bank.
When I said yes, my life expanded. If I said no because of fear, I shrank.
That doesn’t mean you can’t still have a good life if you stay where you are. You can.
But is good the life you were born for?
Does good equal true fulfillment?
If there is a yearning for more, I say good isn’t good enough.
I never wanted to get to the end of my life and say, “I should have done this,” or “I wish I had tried that.”
A journey completed without those types of regrets almost always requires leaps of faith.
I have stood (and I bet you have, too) on the end of that diving board many times…teetering, teetering, teetering.
Sometimes, if you miss an opportunity, it may come around again. Life is gracious that way. Just like on QVC, another flea and tick collar may appear on the screen!
But there are also times when the door is only open for a season.
If you are willing, it can be thrilling to leap the minute the door opens.
Do yourself a favor and watch one of my all-time favorite movies, Defending Your Life, and put yourself in Albert Brooks’ position. (If you want to cut to the chase, here’s the final scene, and if you’re like me, you’ll cheer furiously for him as he faces fear head-on in pursuit of love.)
Ultimately, he loved himself enough to TRY.
Sheryl Sandberg famously said, “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?”
Fear will make your life smaller and smaller. Faith, which requires action, will expand it.
Acts of faith renew your vibrancy, your zest, your sense of possibility.
Such audacious acts will confuse, anger, and disappoint others along the way. Often, they are those threatened by your boldness or annoyed by your willingness to veer from what made them comfortable.
They prefer the version of you that you used to be.
But don’t grieve that too long.
Because you must live with yourself.
